I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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