Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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