New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
