pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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