i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you had me at cake vodka
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
