Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
