Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she smelled like a LAN party
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
