so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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