puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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