You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
