There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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