I'm gonna have a badass scar
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
