sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
