Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
