I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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