I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
