i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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