Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
