tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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