I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
