nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
