Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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