So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
