You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
