Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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