If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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