I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
