dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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