Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
