i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
