Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
