five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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