he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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