I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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