dude i'm inner monologue high
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
