Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He passed out mid-signature
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize