ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
