Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
