I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize