Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
