Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
