finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
