you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
