Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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