1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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