im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
