don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
