the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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