yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
