Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
