Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize