she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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