Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
