im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize