i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
