hotel room ftw
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
