i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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