he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
