Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
