I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
