i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
