i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
