i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
