Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
