just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
